My Rare Personal Post

I know that I talk a lot on here about sports and news and TV and cool events and maybe the occasional drink or two. I rarely talk about what I actually do, because beyond work, I don't do that much. Even more rarely, I actually talk about my past beyond an occasional childhood memory. So feel privileged, because today is different.

Exactly 12 years ago today, I got married at the Maury Co. Courthouse by a judge who had to have weighed around 400 lbs. and wheezed his way through the ceremony. I had the worst cold of my entire life, so instead of "I Do", I said "A-Choo!" Afterward, my husband and I treated ourselves to a wedding reception at the Baskin-Robbins down the street.

In the seven years that followed, we had some really rough times. In January of the following year, our son died before birth and I almost died during labor. A few months later, we dumped our full scholarships at our college and moved to Nashville to wait tables and find our new path in life. Another year later, we set off to North Carolina together. In all the moves and jobs and classes and years later, in sickness and health, we shared a lot of laughs and a lot of stories together that I still tell on occasion to shock my coworkers (believe it or not, I was a candy raver at one point. You can stop laughing now.)

Eventually, things didn't work out. It wasn't pretty and it wasn't easy, and we finally divorced after seven years. But through the angst of the breakup and the uncomfortableness of getting used to going back to being best friends instead of husband and wife, we always stayed together. Right after the divorce, I abruptly moved to LA for a "new start" (note to anyone who gets the same idea in the future: moving across the country without a job, without more than two friends in the area, and into the largest city in the US after spending your life in the South is not a good idea.) When I ran for my life a month after arrival after my psycho roommate threatened to throw me out a window (and if you're reading this, you WERE a psycho, and it's nice to actually feel strong enough to say it publically) Fox was the person I called when I was stopped in my car on Ventura, crying so hard that I was throwing up. When he was having his bumps in the road in relationships later, he called me and cried on my shoulder. He's been there when I needed him, and vice versa. Since he's nocturnal, he's my primary source for overnight breaking news - he called me when the levee broke in NOLA, and kept me updated on the chaos while I was in Atlanta the weekend afterward. I now have his partners on my speed dial, and I adore them. It's not perfect - we're very different people, and I'm sure we annoy the hell outta each other. But we're actually able to look back on everything that happened and talk about things and laugh and forgive each other. We value our friendship too much to let other crap get in the way.

So today is our 12th wedding anniversary. Yes, there's a part of me that's sad and a bit lonely, because Fox now lives in California and I miss him and his primary partner a lot. But I'm also happy, because despite it all, I still remember us as the two slightly-nerdy kids (you have to admit, Fox, those orange spandex tennis shorts were funny) who first met at a pre-orientation of our honors program in the summer of 1991. We've both changed a lot, but we've been friends ever since, and that's a gift. So Happy Oops Day, Fox. We might not be in love anymore, but I still love you.

EDIT: One other thing that occured to me in responding to a comment elsewhere - I think that a lot of the reason that we were able to become friends afterward was that we both made it a priority not to lose each other. We've both experienced a lot of loss in our lives, before and after we met. Our marriage began shortly before the loss of Carter, and there were a lot of times where the two of us were literally all we had. Neither of us wanted to lose anymore. So even if we weren't a success at marriage, we've fought to do whatever it takes to keep the friendship going. Not everyone has that sort of motivation, but we were lucky to be in it together. And as he said about me, I don't know what I'd do without him. He's been an example that not everything disappears, and I do always have someone who tells me that he believes in me.